不公平

Mood - Upset
Song - 不公平

I've been watching 大長今 these few days and am addicted to it though the plot is too simple for me to predict what's gonna happen in next episode.

In today episode, Chang Jin was sentenced to be a slave with Lady Han who passed away on the way (expected). As usual, today episode ended when Chang Jin said I'll definitely not listen to you (Lady Han) after she passed away. In the preview of tomorrow's episode, Chang Jin runs away and doesn't care about being a wanted person which she won't do in her normal personality. Perhaps, she's been treated unfair through her whole life and doesn't want to lead a good life anymore? Hmm... if I'm the director, I'd let Chang Jin be the villian for the rest of the show to revenge Lady Cui and become Top Lady in the palace. Then, maybe I'll let this character become very cruel and full of revenge, power, fear and loneliness until she dies badly.

But I think her character will still be a kind and good person and the show will portray how good people will also win over the bad in the end. But, is it really fair for those who is good to the bad? Why is sometimes God too biased?

Well, I've shared this song to my friends and posted on all my profiles and blogs many times already. But, I'll post it again in blogspot to let the world know how the God has been always unfair to me.



Well, once I heard this song in 斗鱼 two years ago, I liked it very much cos it really reflects the lead actress's feeling in the show.

Few months after I knew this song, I'm addicted to it cos 80% to 90% of it really coincides with my feelings. We'd been happy (走了那么远) but I didn't know that you were not with me (发现你不在身边). Even after I realized, I was still going alone. May be I was crazy and I didn't understand myself (独自走过了什么 自己都不了解). You know how hard it was for me to change my mind to be ur ***i? cos I thought even if we couldn't be together, u would still be there with me as my **r (未来的蓝图应该有你　不该只剩叹息　). I tried my best to survive myself out of tears (只是偶尔　泪流不停). Sometimes I was so sad for being ignored even as a ***i. I always told myself that you were really busy with ur studies. 坚强的理由　只是自己骗自己!!! I'm still telling myself that you are still really really too busy to even sms me now although you've finished your project and everything already. I know I'm lying to myself, but .... oh well... I still remember this time of last year. I couldn't even pay attention to my summer course lecture cos I was busy chatting with you online. Oh well, maybe this year you are busier for nothing bah!

Some of you reading this blog know about my story and have even suggested me before that it's not really worth thinking of you and being good to you. But I don't know whether 付出的一切值不值得 or not, and I don't wanna know cos there is no answer for it (永远不会有答案). But, there is alway someone who knows how much I loved you and still love you as a ***i. 只有天知道我有多么爱你. But, does God care about it? Hmm.... I really wanna ask Him 在爱情里什么算公平. I love you so much that I even lose my good friend. But, I told myself that it really worths cos I value my **r more than my friend. cos i love u more. but the more i love, the more i hurt myself. 爱的深 也伤的深　是不是催眠了自己. Ya, I'm so cheap to you now right?

I really wish that you could understand my pains and sacrifices and hope u would still treat me as ur ***i, 而当你最后选择了逃避.....　我学会不公平. If avoidance is a good way to escape from sorrowfulness, I also wanna do that. But, I think I'll still be sad. Why doesn't you guys believe that I just love you as a **r only? Hmm....I admit that I love you more than as a **r but I've never tried to go back to our old situation like last year. And, I've never tried to steal you from the one who doesn't trust me at all. Infact, I've always suggested you to go back to that stupid person even when I had a chance in June last year when you were lonely. Well, how would I know if I'm insulted by the person I've helped? I don't really care how I'm insulted. But, I'm sad that you also distrust me now. Since you've left, your ignorance has been my only companion and your coldness has always accompanied me.

God, pls tell me why you are so unfair to me!!! I've suffered a lot, and let me have a peaceful life ahead. I won't complain to u anymore that 爱情里找不到公平 cos I've learnt what is "不公平". Well this world is 本来就不公平!!!

I'm reading your bday card to me now again. Haha... quite funny actually! You wrote "May our **********d last FOREVER!!! May ALL your wishes COME TRUE..." That time I prayed that you'd be my **r FOREVER and that's my wish. But now ...... I hope God will still bless me.